More Tech Layoffs as “Salesforce Ohana” Turned Out to be a Lie

Senior Brogrammer
4 min readJan 9, 2023

Look I don’t know everyone else’s family values, but I doubt they involve taking away the ability to pay bills

Seemed fitting

Ohana means family unless billion dollar company struggles. Nobody in a company is family, they’re co-workers and fuck the hypocrisy of corporate values. Be a good worker, not a good employee. Don’t get tied up in office politics or being an all-star over-achiever.

Why am I being a salty fuck ranting again? Salesforce cut 10% of it’s staff to “take a more measured approach” as Salesforce “…works through this difficult time”. Laughable response as expected, I started a mini bingo card for you to play when news comes out about another layoff.

I need more ideas to fully flesh it out, let me know if you got any.

I can at least check off the job postings box. Seriously, when are people going to realize how fucked up this is. Keep defending the ultra wealthy as they play with our lives like it’s a board game.

Hmm, I wonder if I should cut jobs or spend less on advertising, ahh crap just drew the “CEO sex scandal” card.

My bad, I shouldn’t criticize the job creators on a blog. I’ll get carving out that statue soon.

The worst part is every time a layoff occurs, CEOs do the bare minimum in response to it. However, they bend ass over backwards to cover their own ass in the name of shareholders. For those un-initiated, shareholders are the 10 people who own nearly all of the company and thousands of other traders with puny bank accounts. Anyways, those who can’t pay bills or have mouths to feed don’t matter. Pesky costs on a spreadsheet, I bet these schmucks are waiting for AI to improve so they can throw everyone out.

Ohana Culture

Anyways, I’m appreciating all the reports on this layoff that mention the Salesforce Ohana blog where they detail the nurturing work environment. I feel so warm and cuddly on the inside getting shit canned.